Cyberhugs

Cyberhugs

Things that kill me about this story:

• "devised a vibration jacket for chickens" Does the jacket just vibrate your chicken, or can it choke it, too? Why do chickens need to be vibrated? Are you trying to shake out an extra egg?
• "wireless jacket for chickens or other pets" Wow, I thought putting little outfits on your dog was bad. Now you want to put a vibrating jacket on him so he can feel hugged? Press the button and virtually hug your dog when he's marking a fire hydrant. Nice.
• Talk about latch key kids. "Sweetie, put on your shake and bake jacket so mommy can hug you over the internet. I'll see you at 9:00 PM!"
• "Parents wearing a similar suit could be hugged back." I think it's safe to say I love my kid as much as, or more than, most other people out there. If you think I'm jumping into a vibrating pajama suit for an internet hug when I'm on a business trip, thing again. "Really, Mr. Airport Security. It's a vibrating hug suit. Do YOU need a hug today?"
• And finally... "Scientists looking for ways to transmit the sense of touch over the internet have devised vibration boxer shorts. Former president Bill Clinton, the company's spokesperson, claimed 'I love 'em! If you've ever wanted to reach and out touch the President, well now you have a chance from the comfort of your own home!'" Coming soon!

Post-Thanksgiving

I know, I know. I've completely neglected the blog. The worse part is that once you start losing momentum, people stop coming back to read. So, I'm probably posting for my own edification here. Blah.

I suppose you are tired of hearing "life is crazy." If it's any consolation, I'm tired of typing it. I've been stuck in this never-ending cycle of being sick, getting over being sick and then being sick again, probably due to a lack of a sleep and my daughter's daily exposures to every strain of illness under the sun when she hits the playgroups with her fellow booger-rollers and nose miners. I swear, they're always catching something and then sniffling for a week. If a 2 year old wrote an autobiography, it would be "My Life as a Walking Petri Dish," subtitled "I Made a Poopie!"

School is going as well as can be expected. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to balance all the things I'm supposed to be balancing (school, work, basketball games) and be a husband/dad. I think I've resigned myself to doing a mediocre job at all of them and hoping I hit the lotto some day. Perhaps I should start buying tickets? This term has been particularly brutal, with both finance and accounting in the same term, with marketing strategy and a speech class tossed in for good humor. I love the marketing strategy class, but it REALLY is a lot of work and the prof loves to cold call. Nothing like wandering through vineyards in my mind and getting called on to answer "what is the breakeven number of doses for Angiomax, based on the 4 page calculation you did last night?" "Uh, pinot noir. Yeah, that's it, pinot noir. No? That's not it? Would you believe 'Secretariat'? Oh, a number. 49?"

Adopt-a-soldier program is going well. I think we're up to 26 guys covered with packages (out of 34) and cheers go out to PWC for taking 12 guys in one fell swoop. I need to go to the post office today to drop off 2 more going out to Matt, who will be drinking Red Bull and eating three-bean stew (yes, I sent 6 cans of beans and a huge thing of salsa) for the next 2 weeks. Hey, who needs candy when you can have THREE BEAN STEW?!? If you're interested in writing letters or sending a care package, email me.

Other than that, I'll be doing the West Coast tour soon. San Jose, Portland, Seattle and Las Vegas! AK is coming soon to a city near you!

Old Singers

Couple of years back, I found myself on a tour bus with Smashmouth talking to Steve Harwell (friend of a really close family friend). Steve is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet and, while he can play the role of a superstar, you just don't think of him that way when you're having an every day conversation with him. We were talking about the Tesla show I just saw (not as old as the Rolling Stones, but gray and wrinkly none the less) and he said "you know, I TOTALLY get why these guys go out on tour at 45 and 50 years old. It's not really about the money - it's about getting up on stage in front of thousands of people, hearing them scream and putting on one hell of a show again."

So, I'm sitting here writing the daily mail to my little bro and Cyndi Lauper comes on Good Morning America. She looks pretty good for however old she is and is out pushing the new album. They lead her outside to the stage and, instead of playing one of her new songs and doing the "take me seriously" thing, she starts crowing her tired old 80's stuff. Let your trueeee colorrrrrs shine on through. "Awful" would be a compliment for her performance, which struck me as something between the fat, annoying, drunk chick that ruins karaoke night and a squirrel trying to gnaw his leg off to get out off a rat trap. Lauper was dressed like a slob and spent half of the first song waving a jacket around in the air like she was angry matador. I'm not quite sure what she's been doing the last 20 years, but my guess is whatever it was, it involved a 2 pack a day cigarette habit. Jesus. I know, I know. Tell me how you really feel. Or, "you try getting up on stage and belting out a tune." I'm just calling it like I see it and I saw a train wreck on stage. On the bright side, I did get to hear Steve's new single album a couple of months back and it was NOTHING like this nightmare.

Off to the store for more chocolate pretzels. Morgan is now a pooping star and gets 3 chocolate pretzels a day. Jumping up and down and cheering after each poop is taking it's toll on this old man...

Matt in Action!

Great action photo here! Link Funniest part is that it was picked up by AP and inserted in articles all over the place on the net (ABC News, etc.) that had absolutely nothing to do with the photo. What I find MOST disturbing is that he's letting the guy go without building up my ear necklace, damnit.

School is school is school. Learning a lot, and it's pretty amazing. Just a lot to do :/